If Trump can fix the ice-cream machine this election is over

WHEN I’M PRESIDENT THE MCDONALD’S ICE CREAM MACHINES WILL WORK GREAT AGAIN!

The turning point was Elon buying Twitter

At least Peanut did not die in vain.

HISTORICAL TIMELINE: 1. The Babylon Bee tells funny political jokes 2. Elon Musk likes funny political jokes 3. Twitter suspends BabylonBee 4. Elon big mad 5. Elon buys Twitter 6. Elon restores free speech & Babylon Bee’s funny political jokes 7. Democrats lose Seth Dillon

In other news I hear Giannis is on the market, Bucks asking for 1 bag of Sour Skittles

I was feeling alright about turning 30 Until tonight when Cassidy called me Papi

This is marriage Matt: does all the laundry to surprise Cassidy - just to be nice Cassidy: You didn't do it on the day we get free electricity!

Ok so where do Mark & Helly think they’re going exactly

“Just 2 putt and win.” “No I think I’ll just beat him now.”

Charlie Kirk is a great man and a great fighter for the cause. Most importantly he’s a husband and a father. I’m praying for him and his family right now. Please do the same.

Like all of you, I am utterly stunned and heartbroken and sick to my soul today. It is unimaginable to write these words. I met Charlie Kirk when he was 18 years old, a young man so eager and determined that I immediately turned to a friend and said, “That kid is going to be the

Sitting here, in front of a church I’ve never even stepped foot in, in front of a church a week ago I’d never even have considered going to, some feelings are welling up. Anxiety, fear, hope, anger, peace, all feelings happening simultaneously. The events of this week have

Every speech for five hours in a row declared Jesus Christ as our lord and savior. We’ve never seen anything like this. It was extraordinary.

Nico Harrison must be shaking right now

Good Good Golf Oh I have! Monster! He and Sean 🙌🏾

The missed putt fist pump is an all time power move 💀

Four months after my husband died, and 2 months after I had a baby, I moderated a primary presidential debate. Doing things that are tough, that you believe in, can be healing. An assassin doesn’t get a W by killing Charlie bc she is determined to push his vision forward.