When you’re being an asshole later today just remember that being edgy is far less likeable than being kind.

Do you ever eat breakfast and then go back to bed or do you know nothing of self care?

People who have phone conversations ON SPEAKER PHONE IN PUBLIC BATHROOMS and then get pissed off when a toilet flushes or hand drier turns on… who made you this way?

Is the publishing industry (both self and trad) a pile of shit orrrrrrrr

Anyone else having lots of dreams about getting so angry you break your phone with your teeth?

I don’t think I could be a drummer because if I’m scratching a dog with each hand they are both getting the same tempo and firmness of scratches. But I’m petting two dogs, so who gives a shit about drums.

As of today, I’ve lived through 27. So I guess I better go update my resume.

COVID has been horrible and all, but when’s the last time you were forced to endure the chicken dance?

I feel like Twitter is blocking everyone from seeing me! If you see this, retweet all my tweets, buy a copy of each of my books, PayPal me $100, and say "Zev, you are the best writer of gay fiction without porny butt sex working today!1!!" so I'll know you see me!

Hey just here to remind you that dogs are the best and to go give your pup a smooch today.

I’ve never read an eBook or listened to an audiobook. Is that super weird?

Is the hamburger requiring the help or supplying it?

If you’re Canadian and watching the election results, let’s have a beer

Still cold

FRUIT TRAYS ARE TOO FUCKING EXPENSIVE. Thank you for listening.

It was the fall of civility, and it came right around the time Koolaid became Koolaid Jammers and forgot the shitty $0.18 envelope it came in.

Kids be out here dressing as if their wardrobe is made up of their cousin Dudley’s hand-me-downs and callin’ it fashion.

If you heard anyone describe an infant as ‘tender and mild’ in any situation outside of that one Christmas song you’d probably wanna ask that person what their intentions were with that child.

If there is finger or toe nail related gore in your book you should put a fuckin warning label at the beginning because 🤮🤮🤮

The way things are going I GUARANTEE oversized cargo shorts become *fashion* this summer