It’s not my fault we make our product accessible for everyone to watch. End Market Blackouts.

Anytime I see someone doing weighted pull ups or dips I lose it

Pains of Being Pure at Heart at the Empty Bottle. I’m freaking out

I’m about to do cable crunches in front of my gym crush I shall die of embarrassment I’m 38 years old

I haven’t been able to buy tickets for any Empty Bottle shows for no matter what card I use and TicketWeb US customer service told me to get someone else to buy them for me 😭 this is the third show this summer I’ve tried to buy. Infuriating

Guys are always like “gonna use the bathroom rq” then come back and sit closer to you on the couch

Omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent are they not being, thinking, becoming? I should probably read about this instead of just trying to philosophize as if there aren’t centuries of theological and philosophical literature on this

I love it LOVE IT when I see bros at the gym tracking their workouts in a little notebook. it’s just so endearing

It smells like the first day of school outside

This is driving me crazy. “I need to do x” is to “I’ve been needing to do x” as “I’m supposed to do x” is to __ ??? I’ve been supposed to do x???

Coming to a theater near you!

Our guy!!!!