Is it Wear Orange for Trump Day? Or did Rudy use his tie to wipe Donald's...
Tears. Definitely, tears. What did you think I meant?

The crop you get when you plant the bullsh*t instead of fertilizing with it

Now that he can go to Barron's graduation, what will Trump do instead?
* Golf
* Whine
* Beg for money
* Crash weddings at Mar-a-Lago
* House-hunt in countries without U.S. extradition treaties
* Shoot puppies with Kristi Noem
* Other ideas?

Sounds like hard work. Luckily, we have Fox, so we can avoid knowing anything at all.

Thank you, Kristi Noem, for changing the must-have prop of MAGA politicians from automatic weapons to puppies. Your career hasn't been a complete waste. Close, but not complete.

Nice of Donald to caption this photo. And for once, he's telling the truth: Melania does look miserable.

We feared Fascism might come to America wrapped in the flag, but never imagined it might show up in black robes

Dear SCOTUS: Mao's policies killed 40 to 80 million. Stalin's killed millions, too. Hitler gave us the Holocaust. So maybe, just maybe, it's not a great idea to give the President a license to crime. What do you think?

With bars to his gut, this looks like prison on training wheels. Who's ready for Trump to graduate to the real thing?

Has The Onion taken over the New York Times?

The Art of the Steal

So much BS in one sentence. Let's unpack it:
* Trump's cheating hurt Melania, not any testimony about it.
* Trump, not his lover, is the bad guy here.
* If Trump cares about his wife's feelings, that'll be a first.
* Trump thinks he touched Melania's heart? He's kidding himself.

Does MAGA hope to get Trump off by forcing a mistrial through jury intimidation? One juror's already quit for fear of being ID'd. Meanwhile, Trump's pulled his phone out in court, as if he might try to snap photos for social media. But of course, he'd never do that, right?

Post-birth abortions are tragically performed with AR-15s, often at school. Everyone knows which party allows that. Shut up, Donald.

When Donald goes to hate rallies, taxpayers cover the cost of his vanity motorcades. Can we refuse to do that? Can we insist he drive to the airport like everyone else -- stressed out, through traffic, and grumbling about the TSA?

As Letitia James prepares to seize Trump assets, is she considering these?

'Buy me the White House and I'll help you buy mansions, yachts, rockets, football teams, private islands, Supreme Court justices, etc., etc., etc.' Thanks, Citizens United.

Cool, cool. So what was God telling us, oh Prophetess Marge, when He sent a full-on plague while your buddy Trump was in the White House?

The Rock proves the old adage: 'A rolling stone gathers no thoughts.'

Relax, New Jersey, that was no earthquake. It was just Ivana rolling over and knocking down a stack of classified documents.