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Simple translation rule: pick the definition that is most harmful to women, queer people, and other disenfranchised groups. Seems to be working out so far.

Compares women in yoga pants to prostitutes and strippers. My man what lame ass strip clubs are you going too?

Okay but when they were rocks it broke me inside 😭

See the reason I hate this tweet so much is because I understand it

This! It did start to fade and eventually feel straight but it took a while to unlearn that being into dudes is gay:

Bully 2

I just want a GameCube 2, and I want a GBA 2 both to be released simultaneously. I wouldn’t complain about getting a Nintendo smartphone either.

America is like, “Let’s play World War again, but this time we getta be the fascists.”

Gonna find the doctor who did my circumcision and make him do my vaginoplasty… it’s time to finish what you started doc ✂️

Adam Ray

Cold foam is a scam. I do not respect it. I do not respect people who order it.

i told my therapist i feel like a fraud, now now we both sit in silence cause it turns out she’s actually a possum in a lab coat and this whole building is just a painted cardboard box

Just found out my emotional support barista doesn’t actually work at the coffee shop. She’s just been standing behind the counter making eye contact and nodding for 3 weeks. I gave her a tip. We’re in love.

If Kershaw can keep pitching through chronic pain, I can keep dating in LA through unresolved trauma

Like the Cuauhtémoc’s mast, I too have snapped in public.

We’re never gonna solve the male loneliness crisis

Go Berds!

Can’t believe I lost money on the fucking Mulaney fight