TFW you realize Red Ryder BB guns are a bigger threat than North Korea’s nuclear threats.

TFW someone gets you a Christmas present from Vineyard Vines instead of Founding Fathers.

When someone asks me what my New Year’s resolution is...

Happy Founding Fathers Friday! ⁣🇺🇸🍻#USA #Friday #FoundingFathersFriday

Me every time I see someone arguing about politics on Facebook...

*Watching Super Bowl Halftime Show* Bae: “Do you think J-Lo and Shakira are prettier than me?” Me:

The greatest Valentine’s Day Ad ever...

Here’s a quick Revolutionary War Reenactment for #PresidentsDay

Happy #SuperTuesday

TFW you see someone spend $500 million dollars to come in 4th place in their own party. #SuperTuesday

When you’re worried about CoronaVirus but realize you get to work from home for the next month...

DAY 5 OF QUARANTINE... “The floor is lava.” Me:

Silver lining from all this Coronavirus stuff... Coughchella is gonna be LIT. 🔥🔥🔥

Bc everyone is tired of losing to us?

Me at the Charmin factory after I get that $1200 stimulus check.

No one: Me during Quarantine:

IDEA: Since nobody knows what day of the week it is anyways I say we just start pretending that everyday is the 4th of July until quarantine is over. You know what’s more fun than a Zoom Happy Hour Steve? A zoom Happy Hour with a hotdog eating completion and fireworks show.

When bae makes a quarantine snack run but comes back with kombucha and kale chips instead of beer and bagel bites...

In honor of tonight’s NFL Draft we want to honor our favorite player of all time, Pat Tillman. He traded in a multi-million dollar NFL career to enlist in the U.S. Army in the wake of the Sept. 11 attacks on the United States. He was killed in combat 16 years ago yesterday. #USA