No way I’m dating a guy with a bigger ass than me. Not about to get out assed by him NO WAY

Hello I’m getting my grift on. Can someone please send me $500 for no reason other than I want it now?

You probably have never seen a cat as perfect as Tart

I yearn for a man with enough trivia knowledge to fill an encyclopedia

Depression/anxiety, hyperextended ACLs, latent tuberculosis YOUR MOVE

I am the first person ever recorded to start crying while listening to Nobody’s Son by Sabrina Carpenter

It’s so unfair because what if I want to get HIM pregnant? 😡😡😡😡😡

I’m always saying this

I’m at Murray hill telling them to bring out the guy

Tart is being so baby this morning I’m not even mad she keeps waking me up

I don’t get mad when my boyfriend doesn’t answer me. I just start texting boyfriend #2 and then boyfriend #3 and then boyfriend #4 and then

™️ that The Sim™️

We’re just two nuts in a sack

My hair is straight now what is even the point of life