MOVING TOMORROW i have to be up at 4am to catch my flight i will probably not even end up sleeping tonight

moved in back at uni and i hate my life i thought this would make things better but it’s made them so much worse i don’t want to be here at all and no one wants me here anyways

went to a house party and could immediately tell someone in that house was disordered just based on what the kitchen and bathroom looked like😭😭

FINALLY FOUND KONJAC RICE WAR IS OVER

was going to buy a scale for my apt but last minute decided not to,,, i’ve been getting really sick of my ed, i’m just so tired of it all and i don’t know what any of this is all for anymore. i feel like having a scale in my bathroom would have driven me insane

i always cycle through restriction —> binging —> restricting again —> extreme depression —> maintaining —> feeling like i’m gaining; i just got done with extreme depression so im at maintenance rn💀💀

why did my dad have to curse me with his big calf genes

i’ve been eating so much ever since i got to uni i need to lock in

have not been locked in since i got to uni low intake day tomorrow TRUST

full time uni + club exec work + part time serving job + possible internship soon (fingers crossed) like restricting isn’t even an option for me rn🥲🥲

all my hair is falling out again and i’m not even losing weight im just stressed out of my mind

taking the stairs to my 19th floor apartment after running around campus all day

never had lax before but got some bc im so constipated and i was like this lax ain’t shit!!!! five hours later i’m fighting for my life rn

made it into 42kgs today!!!!! and i thought i was maintaining!!!!! been eating 1.3-1.6k cals, 8-12k steps + 20 flights of stairs minimum every day

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