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As I lay me down to sleep I wonder tomorrow what shit I'll tweet And if I die before I wake I pray the Lord my phone to break

[first day as a conspiracy theorist] what if there was a third Duran

Time change. Cool. I’ll be asleep by 4pm

At this point, women would probably much rather kiss a man and have him turn into a frog.

There’s only one way to vote that keeps our country moving forward in the way it was established and set up to continue to progress and grow - and that vote is for Kamala Harris.

Amazon prime: movies we think you’ll like Me: shit I’m pretty fucked up

I really feel like the writers for Sesame Street phoned it in when they named Big Bird. Like yeah we get it, he’s a bird and he’s big. I would’ve named him something like Dave. Or Kevin.