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So the Librarian of Congress just got summarily fired but shouldn't be a big deal, I hear all they do is read all day

The United States may have ousted its Librarian of Congress but for what it's worth, so far the Librarian of Saturday is still limping along. #saturdaylibrarian

"The library should have a drive-through lane." "Some libraries do." "You could also offer snacks and drinks. Sandwiches." "Well, food equipment would take a lot of space." "You could make room if you did less books and things." "Okay now you're just wanting us to be a Wendy's."

One of the professional skills they don’t cover in library school is being able to discern whether the patron awkwardly asking you for nonfiction about human sexuality is making an earnest request that’s difficult for him to express or, y’know, the other thing

Only ninety minutes to go in this reference desk shift, or about a week and a half in your Earth time

Real talk: if you come to the desk and ask me a complex multifaceted reference question drawing on many possible resources, the answer I offer will be different if you're approaching me two hours before my lunch break than if it's ten minutes before my lunch break.

A #saturdaylibrarian can be identified by the way it promotes your right to access and use information — just like a regular librarian, but more weekendy.

tfw a library patron asks for a company's phone number and you go online and they're all "We don't have a number." "Yes you do." "No we don't." "You must have a phone number." "Well we don't." "Is there a phone on your desk?" "It's decorative. Use our webform."

"Could you help me save some files from the internet onto this disc?" "No." "Ugh, well is there anyone here who can help me do that?" "I don't think so." "Why not, do you people not know what you're doing?" "Possibly, sure, but also that disc is a DVD of 'Taken 2.'"

Check out our library newsletter for some of the new books we're looking forward to this summer: Who Moved My Planet by John Scalzi Tuft on a Tuffet by James Platterson A Throne of Fists and Moses by Willa Cather The Seven Husbands of Sevelyn Brothers by Jenkins Taylor Thomas

The folks who criticize library workers have no idea what our lives are like. Sometimes we're so busy with reference questions and computer assistance and phone calls and meetings we can barely find the time to undermine America, propagate filth and corrupt the nation's youth.

Career counseling: if you're a young person who thinks nothing sounds more pleasant than the idea of spending a leisurely Saturday afternoon at the public library, you're a prime candidate to train for library work, become a #saturdaylibrarian and ruin that forever

Attention staff: due to budgetary deficiencies during these difficult times, the library will be cutting back substantially on purchasing new print and media titles, except for the ones you don't like.

Mission:Impossible is fine but today when a day camp flooded in unannounced just as someone started photocopying enlargements of 100 clippings, a patron was yelling that I printed the wrong tax form, and two adults started fighting in the restroom, I did all my own stunts.

The adult was confounded: what do you mean they can’t read it? Meanwhile, miles away, a butterfly alit on a young person’s shoulder and both of them thought at once “Maybe we just don’t want to read it, unc.”

"I'd like to request books written by this author." "Did you want all of them?" "No, I've already read some of them." "Okay, which ones did you want to request?" "The ones I haven't read, obviously." "Sorry, you're right, that was a silly question."

“Hi I was calling to find out if the library’s open today.” “God I hope so or I’m answering this phone call for free.” #saturdaylibrarian

Propaganda I'm not falling for: - Library users are "customers" - Kids' reading isn't valuable unless it's something they don't want to read - You should shelve fiction by people with names starting with "Mc" as though it's spelled "Mac" - Nobody needs libraries anymore