Is my father a racist? Around 30 years ago I asked him, "Why does the Leaning Tower of Pisa lean like that?" He replied, "Because Wogs built it." A little exposition...His Mother-in-Law was Maltese. He was a bricklayer, and he loved them both....

A philanthropist? I prefer to wear someone else's, discarded clothes. I tend to wear them forever. We become one. "It's Only Natural, that they should feel the same way too." I love Crowded House. I miss all my old shirts...

My jacket was made for a niche market. That of Intergalactic Death/Sex cult leaders. Now all I need is some followers, a spaceship and a Martian Princess. #3nipsgreenskinbluehairandtwotongues

Optimism is: When you tidy your flat before you go to a party, because who knows? You may have visitors.. Reality is: You wasted your time fool. Live in squalor, grind on Tinder and appreciate the silence ...

You call. I miss. I call back, no answer. Is this a cyst on my balls? Is it cancer? Will it upset my balance? I'm a hell of a dancer.... An advance, Ta! Fall for an Op-Shop cutie, then "Bonanza!" We're playing "Call of Duty." Dunno where my pants are, Absolutely!

No defence, no fend no shield from a friend.

Junior You Judas I knew this as soon as the noonanthemoonmix you an a brew just sit backnrelaxnyasaxn and packn yaching Eating ya snacks and favourite thing! A kid size packet a burger rings and Ive just got back from the office I'm not Michael Scott It's shitorgetoffofthepot!

Finally saw that one legged hooker of legend last night. It's been a great weekend so far.

The gold refining process invented a new poison-Calcine. Meanwhile I'm looking for love...

Tom. The decent and the scurrilous... youtu.be/3gp183tToPA via YouTube

Tormi. You don't have an A.S.D...You're just an arsehole. youtu.be/I5dEMcPng6c via YouTube

I've heard this shit. All my life. "Fucked in the arse this." "Fucked in the arse that." Like it's a bad thing. When a beautiful woman, fucks you in the arse. Do you cry? Or smile, and look to the stars?

9th gig of the year. 10 years since I've seen them. These guys and @tfs_theband top two so far...Matt and Gareth are probably the two best frontman in the cosmos...thanks very much.

ten years later. Same energy. Him, Gareth Liddiard Falco, best frontmen in the galaxy.