No, seriously. Fuck you all. I got mine.

@TheChrisHampton That's kind of you to say, thank you. However it also means I hate you more. So, so much more.

Hey Celebrity Big Brother fans. My article is out dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/arti… Seriously, fuck you all. #cbb

Beware the fake account @LizAJoness - it's just a spiritually dead, morally redundant, cash-grasping egotist pretending to be... oh, wait.

My mistake. It's real. Those spoofs are so hard to spot these days... @LizAJoness

.Sasha Foltan I appreciate you publicising me but, to be honest, any more tweets pestering Z-list celebs and it'll be a restraining order.

#CBB Liz Jones in Somalia What a kind, endearing, honest & humble woman u truly are, I salute you! #StayBlessed X

Congrats to Jim. Of course, the real winners are minimum wage shop-working viewers who found a brief escape from their terrible lives. #cbb

I went in the #cbb house to research an article on how awful reality TV is and how stupid the viewers are. Isn’t this coming across?

.@LizAJoness Good afternoon Liz Jones’ agent. Thank you for the direct message asking about my identity. You were very gentle.

.@LizAJoness Who I am is answered as clearly and as legally as I’d like in my Twitter bio.

.@LizAJoness Don’t worry, I’ll be going away again soon. There’s only so long you can stare into the abyss and all that…

.@LizAJoness But anyway, Liz Jones’ agent, let’s talk about you. How are you? Must be nice to be busy after all these years.

.@LizAJoness All those years, scrabbling at the coal face of print when the smart money was in reality TV. Congrats!

.@LizAJoness While we’re sharing feelings, Liz Jones’ agent, don’t you find it amazing that even though I’m very clearly labelled a parody…

@LizAJoness …large numbers of people, including *squeee* celeb mates, can’t tell us apart? Which is ridiculous, right? Crazy times.

.@LizAJoness Anyway, it was nice chatting. Thanks again for the direct message. I refer you to Twitter T&C if you have any more questions. X

And that’s probably a good enough point to retire Liz again. I have no doubt she’ll be back. Follow The DM Reporter for all the news you need. X

OH NOS: Liz Jones won't celebrate Twitter's 10th birthday because of me...! Full story --> bit.ly/21Fei6d