u are a disgrace 2 the Lizard City Lizards organization

oh shi-

Poem for my dad, who passed nearly ten whole years ago.

but the question still remains... Who Farted? (spongebob fog horn sound effect, tremolo strings playing D♭ and A and C crescendo)

some times a six pack of beer is too much. thats why i buy 5-packs. and other times its not enough. thats why i buy 7-packs

JONI MITCHELL: oh I could drink a case of you, darling
BEER: go right ahead

i am damaging your beer with my attacks

I'm here to pick up the beer i ordered in 2003

Hanging out with my buddies shooting the shit playing sudoku drinking beers: Wait shhh Hold on guys. (deep voice) Wave Beacon 〰️ 👁️ (closes eyes puts fingers on temples sends out a psionic pulse) Treasure Nearby

I have destroyed your beer. I laser locked onto your beer and obliterated it. You are no longer chilling and hanging out, your beer is gone.

scientist swilling a flask labeled '3 beers solution'

wow, your existence is so hollow and meaningless. you don't even know that you don't know, that is to say, you are not even conscious of the fact that everything you say is incomprehensible nonsense

- COGNITIVE SCIENTIST to a TREE

scientists have discovered a new constellation? it's shaped like a fellow doing a rude hand gesture!!

I agree with the scientists

scientists are working on creating an elmond, the ultimate cross between a lemon and an almond

i think if a burger were alive, it would feel shame. to answer this question, scientists are working on a genetically modified burger that has full sentience so that its aware it comes from the flesh of a living being and is fully conscious while its being eaten

scientists in china have unearthed a really big really stinky wheel of cheese that has been aging for 2 billion years

stephen hawking: i have decided i am donating my brain to science.
FEW DAYS LATER...
SCIENTISTS (digging in with dessert spoons like its a soufflé): thish ish actually rilly RILLY good