oh shit oh fuck

already exhausted from looking at mouths

going to be a vessel of love to lorraine at my hoa meeting today

does this mean I can finally slap larry the cable guy?

look at this tiny lumberjack

I hope Martha Stewart’s recently deceased cat rises from her shallow grave

it’s weird to think that the guy who sent me 15 messages using an alt account to ask me why I blocked him on every platform ended up being problematic

every time I run into one of my neighbors she asks me “do you like the keg?” and I say “I don’t really have an opinion about the keg” and then she tells me she’s not a huge fan of their steak and I don’t know how to break this unhealthy cycle we’ve created

someone at my gym tried to hug me and my instinct was to punch their throat which means my integration back into society is going really well thx!!!

crackers are a dinner if you eat 12 of them

hi you guys my little best friend is 16 years old today!!!!!!!!

using my bird watching app to identify which birds are shitting on my car so I can learn how to to get my revenge

my dog died last month and milf manor has been the only thing so far that’s made me experience any feeling other than sadness. no further questions.

Please meet Bean! She was surrendered to the SPCA twice and now she’s stuck with me forever!!

hi dog perverts! please enjoy my new son:

like an mlm but I’m recruiting you to buy land with me so we can start a commune