10pm at your parents’ house as an adult feels like 3am at your own apartment.

Maya and Kamala both seem very happy and that’s very important to me

Tonight is huge for me, someone who has normal opinions about John Mulaney, Chappell Roan, Kamala Harris AND Pete Davidson

The real message here is that Maya Rudolph is an under utilized force in show business.

Kamala Harris is going to visit every house in America tonight, just like Santa.

We’re caffeinating and hydrating him. We’re making sure he’s eating. Steve Kornacki, the national treasure, is rested and eager for his quadrennial Super Bowl. He also just reported the overwhelming majority of Georgia’s vote should be reportable shortly after polls close.

I just don’t see how cheaper eggs are gonna be enough to offset the cost of private school when they abolish the public education system

A few months ago I made a “very demure, very cutesy” video for work about correctly parking Lime scooters and I got nearly 1,000 of the most heinous, transphobic, misogynistic comments I’d ever seen and I think maybe that was my canary in the coal mine.

feel like i'm losing my mind. THESE PEOPLE ARE AUSTRALIAN

I will make January 6th look like a pillow fight

it makes me sad to see non mission impossible heads dismiss it as movies for straight guys because fundamentally mission impossible is about a man who respects women so much it gives him super powers

everyone is acting like this is the last mission impossible but i won’t believe that until i see Tom’s dead body

We used to be a society

Stockpiling 5lb bags of sour patch watermelons in my apartments before RFK makes them unconstitutional

No one tell RFK Jr. but I let my baby have a little Diet Coke on the airplane today

Walking through casinos in my wedding dress is the most main character I’ve ever felt

I know we're having fun, but imagine how much MORE fun it would be to live in a functioning democracy where two fragile billionaires crashing out didn't impact, say, rural hospital closures.

feeling morally and spiritually adrift without a Sunday HBO show