yesterday, i scheduled an MRI because my podiatrist thinks i tore either a tendon, a ligament, or a muscle in my foot (the foot that was broken in december). my dog bit the shit out of my hand. i was late to work because i took a “nap.” i slumped so hard the last 1.5 hrs at work

has anyone noticed that in stranger things, the byers’ dog just disappears?

ohtani, right? he wasn’t making enough?

i’m tired of people treating the speed limit as if it’s a law. just go the fuck on.

i do not like venison. at least i tried it 😬

if anyone wants to go to a Braves game this year, plz let me know because i’m all for it.

Me: I love learning new things

Me when it’s time to learn new things I’m not instantly good at:

i went to the wrong little caesar’s today, and jesus christ it is a sauna in that place

“if they knew they were right, they wouldn’t wear the fucking hood” - sir ed larson about the kkk 👌🏼

looks like i’ll be wearing a walking boot to court 🙄

deal with the devil or deal with me

i tried whataburger for the first time today and it is a better wendy’s.

now is a good time to say it as any: YOUR HAZARD LIGHTS ARE NOT FOR DRIVING IN RAIN

it’s the greatest feeling to be told that you’re not worth a raise when you run a business