I, GAVIN NEWSOM, AMERICA'S FAVORITE GOVERNOR, JUST RELEASED A BESTSELLER "THE ART OF THE TROLL." IT'S DESTROYING DONALD TRUMP'S BOOK "THE ART OF SUCKING AT EVERYTHING." ALL PROCEEDS WILL GO TO TEACHING DONALD ABOUT BATTERIES. THANK YOU FOR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!

Tomorrow is another busy day for Donny. Lies to reporters at 9AM. Then naps. Posts something insane. Cries that he’ll never be Gavin C. Newsom. Screws democracy. Changes diaper. Curses windmills. Dinner at 7:30. Back to posting. Diaper. Gavin. Windmills. Rinse and repeat. SAD.

HEY, DONNY. YOU APPARENTLY SUCK AT EVERYTHING EXCEPT LOSING: JOBS, HAIR, LAWSUITS. TRY CREATING JOBS LIKE GAVIN (ECONOMY GENIUS) NEWSOM. I'M GROWING THE WORLD'S 4TH LARGEST ECONOMY, YOU'RE GROWING YOUR WALLET AND ANKLES. WE DON'T NEED A BALLROOM WE NEED A PRESIDENT WITH BALLS!!

HEY LOOK, DONNY THE RENAMER IS RENAMING SOMETHING! WHAT A TOY-POTUS. I HEAR WHEN TARIFF TODDLER STARTS CRYING, THEY LET HIM NAME A GULF JUST TO SHUT HIM UP. (NO ONE LIKES A SENILE BABY.) YOU KEEP PLAYING WITH NAMES, LITTLE DONNYCHKA, AND I’LL KEEP MAKING CALIFORNIA GREAT! -- GCN

GUESS WHO BEAT DONALD? ME! YOUR UNDEFEATED GOVERNOR. THE PEOPLE ALL LOVE ME! SOME SAY NO ONE HAS EVER LOVED THE WAY THEY LOVE ME. I'M SMART, HANDSOME, AND CAN WALK WITHOUT LOOKING AT THE GROUND. (SAD!) PACK UP YOUR TEETH AND METAMUCIL, LOSER. WE'RE SENDING YOU BACK TO DUMBODIA.

Sofa so good.

YOU INFLATED INFANT. WE KNOW YOU CAN’T SEE YOUR FEET BUT CAN YOU NOT SEE THE COUNTRY? PEOPLE CAN’T AFFORD FOOD. CAN'T FIND JOBS. AND YOU’RE PLAYING ROCK ‘EM SOCK ‘EM ROBOTS ON THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN! WE'RE EMBARRASSED. YOU'RE "MAKING AMERICA MORTIFIED AGAIN!" YOU'RE MAMA NOT MAGA.

JUST WHEN YOU THINK THE CLOWN CAR IS FULL, TRUMP IS OUTED AS AN FBI INFORMANT. APPARENTLY, HE’S A GREAT PRESIDENT WHO WENT UNDERCOVER AS A HORRIBLE ONE - DESTROYING AMERICA & PRETENDING HE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND THE ECONOMY, TARIFFS, MATH, ENGLISH, AND THE USE OF A DEODORANT. BRAVO!

POOR VANCE. HE JUST WANTED TO DANCE. INSTEAD HE WILL FOREVER BE KNOWN AS VP TO CREEPY.

TOO BAD THE WHITE HOUSE ISN'T. YOU’RE THE NEW AL CAPONE BUT WITH AN UGLIER HAT. YOUR MASKED POSSE IS ATTACKING CITIZENS! WHEN THE LAW HIDES ITS FACE, THEY'RE AN OUTLAW. YOU WANT TO MAKE DC A CRIME-FREE ZONE? LEAVE! MAYBE RUN. YOU CAN USE IT. YOU LOOK LIKE BONNIE ATE CLYDE. (SAD)

WHILE YOUR #1 GOVERNOR, GAVIN C. NEWSOM, FIGHTS GERRYMANDERING, MILITARY ATTACKS ON CITIES & THE THEFT OF DEMOCRACY, ELF HANDS DONNY FIGHTS TOM HANKS, WINDMILLS AND THE VOICES IN HIS HEAD. WE NEED A WHITE HOUSE, NOT A NUTHOUSE. A PRESIDENT, NOT A RESIDENT. (AND NO FBI SNITCHES!)

DONALD (DOLLA MAKES ME HOLLA) TRUMP HAS MADE MORE $$$ FROM HIS PRESIDENCY THAN ALL OTHER PRESIDENTS COMBINED! YOUR #1 GOVERNOR, GAVIN C. NEWSOM, WORKS FOR AMERICA. TRUMP WORKS FOR TRUMP. MY OFFICE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE SOMEONE VOMITED GOLD. IT ISN'T A PALACE FOR KING ANGRY THE TURD!

WHAT A LAME STATEMENT. DONNY HAS THE HANDS OF A T. REX BUT NOT THE BITE. HE PROMISED TO END WARS, INSTEAD HE’S STARTING THEM IN AMERICAN CITIES BECAUSE HE’S TOO SCARED TO FIGHT PUTIN. (CLEAN UP IN AISLE TRUMP!) DONNY IS WEAK AND LAUGHED AT. HE IS JUST A TOILET PAPER TIGER.

STOP MAKING FUN OF DONALD'S DRAWING. IT'S HARD TO HOLD A PENCIL WHEN YOU HAVE ELF HANDS.

OH LOOK, TARIFF TODDLER HAS A PLAN TO END THE WAR. IT'S CALLED... "TARIFFS!" (DUMB) TARIFFS DON'T PUNISH RUSSIA, THEY PUNISH AMERICA. DONNY, YOU CAN'T ADVISE NATO IF YOU CAN'T SPELL NATO. TAKE OFF YOUR HAIR AND SHOE LIFTS AND GO NAP. THE ADULTS GOT IT. -- GCN, AMERICA'S GOVERNOR.

OMG DONNY WAS HONEST! BUT OTHERS DON'T LIKE YOU TOO. LIKE COWORKERS, EMPLOYEES, AIDES, PATRIOTS, WIVES, PORN STARS, HUMANS. AS WELL AS ANIMALS, PLANTS, AND INANIMATE OBJECTS LIKE CHAIRS, TABLES, JD VANCE. BUT EVERYONE LOVES GOVERNOR GAVIN C. NEWSOM (SOME SAY "C" IS FOR CHARM.)

TACO GOT SCARED OF ATTACKING CHICAGO THE WAY HE ATTACKED L.A. BECAUSE YOUR #1 GOVERNOR, GAVIN C. NEWSOM ("C" IS FOR COURAGE, SOME SAY CHARISMA) TOOK HIM TO COURT. I DON'T FEAR KINGS. I MAKE CAESAR SALAD OUT OF CAESARS. (MANY SAY THE TASTIEST THEY'VE EVER HAD.) BRING IT, GRANNY!

THE RESISTANCE IS WINNING! WE'RE DEFENDING OUR CITIES FROM NAPOLEON'S CRAZIER AND SHORTER BROTHER, DONALD. HE RENAMED "THE DEPT OF DEFENSE" TO "THE DEPT OF WAR ON AMERICA." BUT GAVIN (THE GAVINATOR) NEWSOM WILL NEVER ALLOW CALIGULA CANKLES TO CONQUER OUR CITIES! RESIST!!