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men used to go fight in wars now they’re asking for spousal support from denise richards.

I would love to lick and get publicly stoned with other women who hate Jax Taylor

What if we kissed under the worlds largest wisteria in sierra madre CA

YOUR FAV COULD NEVER

popped a benzo and enjoying 3 beverages while people watching at the airport (lobster roll not pictured)

Me to every person who has been chosen over me for the jobs I’ve been applying to -

changing my tinder bio to “if u have a boat i have a throat”

insulting random men on tinder because i’m so pissed ab denise’s show getting cancelled

might’ve just met the love of my life at an airport bar and now he’s taking me out in nyc tomorrow night

alt universe: scheana divorces brock then moves to europe and pulls a lindsay lohan. goes quiet for 3 years then reappears with a fierce night club. goes blonde 1yr. has baby # 2 by donor or new spouse but looking for husband material again. final stage: gets own dating show

I miss 🍋

The left has failed to radicalize the masses because people don't read anymore. Nobody has the attention span for Marx. The plan? We hire Huda from Love Island to post a 70 part TikTok series in which she explains Das Kapital in situationship terms.

scheana shay’s brain needs to be studied

i change my last name on ig once a year to keep my exes on their toes

women who manspread >>>>>>>

calling britani bateman on ig and telling her that i’m scared of meredith marks lawyers so that i can be the blogger featured on next season of RHOSLC

rewatching 30 rock now and it’s crazy how alec baldwin is casually giving the best comedic performance ever put to screen like it’s nothing

eating fish tacos on the beach for breakfast

once society begins to correctly recognize Dax Shepard as a psychopath we can start to heal