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THE JIG IS UP: Austria’s Sebastian Kurz ADMITS He Was Disguised As Chancellor Alexander Schallenberg The Whole Time

Panama Slaps 400% Transit Tariff On US-Bound McDonald’s Cargo Ships In Retaliation Against Trump Canal Threat

Elon Musk Caught Jacking Off Outside UK Prime Minister’s Office Window

Thousands Of Self-Driving Teslas Seen Massing On Poland’s Border

BREAKING: French Racist Dies, Nobody But Other Racists Sheds A Tear

Zelenskyy Says Trump Has Beautiful Natural Hair, Golden Skin And Is The Best Golfer In The World, Immediately Gets Promise Of $10bn In Military Aid

Trump ‘No Longer Wants Greenland’ After Learning That Denmark Doesn’t Actually Mine Its Bacon There

Jean-Marie Le Pen’s Funeral Held Within 24 Hours Of His Death, In Keeping With The Tenets Of Islam

Marie Le Pen ‘Accidentally’ Buried Alive With Father Jean-Marie

Saudi’s Prince Shows Greece’s PM Where He Keeps All The Butchered Remains Of Journalists He Murdered

Serbia’s President Announces All Gas Supplies Will Be Rationed, So He Can Continue To Enjoy His Usual Four Grilled Meat Meals A Day

Ursula Von Der Leyen’s Twin Sister, Phoebe Von Der Leyen, Secretly Appointed Interim Commission Boss While Her Sibling Is Sick With Pneumonia

Greenlanders Laugh At Trump As Presidential Inauguration Is Moved Inside Because He Doesn’t Like A Bit Of Cold