I need these right fucking now

You’re playing mermaids in the pool. I’m walking from the shallow end into the deep end like I’m walking into the ocean.

girls shoot their shot by including you in their fake scenarios in their head before bed

I was sick today :(

A photo series like the ones of the dogs before and after calling them good boys but it’s before and after giving me a large McDonalds Diet Coke

I bought a sample pack of a new edible today and I noticed it was supposed to be 4 servings when my eyeballs started feeling they were gunna pop

Think you could handle me? I just painted our kitchen windows shut for the second time. Think again.

My fucking favorite thing to do is make myself a little late night plate of leftovers after a party

I cannot stress enough how fucking good Trader Joe’s mozzarella sticks are

I think I might start watching scandal as my daily soap. These scenes I’m seeing from the show are so fucking hot

my childhood Barbies

I bring my daughter and dog outside to play so I can breathe and get an inch of space just for them to literally be touching me at all times 🙃

Never kill yourself

This is the shit my husband brings home from work for me because he apparently wants my thighs to touch forever

Would you let SpongeBob speak through you and use your body as a vessel

Watching Austin Powers on E! right now to see if it still holds up and my husband has been walking around saying “who does number two work for?” for the past 20 minutes and I’ve laughed every time

Cried on a whale watch this morning because it was so beautiful

I saw that Double Jeopardy was on and my husband said he’s never seen it (a crime) so I told him I’d start it over and he said no (dumb) and now is asking questions (divorce)

How do I tell one of my best friends that her sunglasses anger me and look ridiculous?

This wrecked me