Society and the families within it have a twisted way of protecting perpetrators of abuse. To guard themselves from what they don't want to hear, they discredit the victim. If you have suffered this type of add-on abuse, you know it can be more traumatizing than the abuse itself.

When we grow up in a dysfunctional home we learn to cater to the needs and wants of others instead of ourselves. That means the holidays are a time of obligation, over giving, and fear that no matter what you do, it will never be enough.

You do for people even when they don’t ask because you were primed to anticipate others’ needs in order to stay safe. It’s too late when the bomb goes off; you had to suss it out and defuse it ahead of time.

If you use logic to try and convince your body it has no right to feel the way it does, you’re not alone. But your body knows you’re unsafe even when your mind gives it all the evidence in the world that you are not in danger.

The feeling of longing for someone who cares less about you is compelling because it’s familiar. It triggers the same false promise it did with your parents: if I only try hard enough, they'll love me.

So tired of Gen X saying emotional neglect made us stronger. No it didn't. It just made us tolerate too much crap because we were raised to believe our needs didn't matter.

Someone raised in a healthy home will say: “I’m not feeling seen and recognized for all I do, let me set some boundaries so I’m not overgiving.” Codependency says: “I’m not feeling seen and recognized for all I do. Let me do more."

Toxic family members rarely say what they mean or feel. They hurl accusations and use manipulative tactics such as blaming and shaming and silent treatment. Rather than seeking to connect or understand or simply speak their minds, they aim to control and “win”.