I’ve bought a mountain load of fat jabs. Kilo mounjaro. #LunchPun #RateMyPun

The cold weather will not stop me flashing. Just putting it out there. #LunchPun #RateMyPun

I’ve saved a lot of treasured memories to a flash drive. Although now I have possessions scattered across the brickweave. #LunchPun #RateMyPun

My lounge is covered in grilled bread. Not to everyone’s taste, but on a cold winter’s night it’s really toasty. #LunchPun #RateMyPun

People have suggested using guano in beauty products. That’s bats! #LunchPun #RateMyPun

Mick Jagger lumber support. Keith Richards posture brace. Charlie Watts support belt. Amazing what you discover perusing the Stones back catalogue. #LunchPun #RateMyPun

One of my first girlfriends was a trapeze artist. Although to be fair she also painted tightropes. #LunchPun #RateMyPun

I wanted some Werthers Originals. The lady behind the counter said they were on a shelf just out of reach, and she couldn’t jump for toffee. #LunchPun #RateMyPun

I've just written my first film screenplay. It's a romantic comedy about a cheerleading, domesticated American Mother who uses her sat nav to find this wonderful eatery and is then sick afterwards. It's a rom com pom pom dom mom tom tom nom nom vom. #LunchPun #RateMyPun

I remember one Biology exam at school where I got questions on motor neurons, sensory neurons, and autonomic neurons. Believe me, that was a real test of nerves. #LunchPun #RateMyPun

Mandelson has gone from having his collar ermine to having his collar felt. #LunchPun #RateMyPun

I do not share my wife’s love of asphyxiation sex games. I complain until I’m blue in the face. #LunchPun #RateMyPun

My walk from London to Brighton went without a hitch. You’d have thought someone would have given me a lift. #LunchPun #RateMyPun

I was stopped by the police whilst riding my motorised loom. I said, "What's the problem, Officer?" He said, "You were weaving all over the road." #LunchPun #RateMyPun

I was woken by a loud bleating this morning. It was my llama clock. #LunchPun #RateMyPun

Whilst golfing with work mates I’d wear a simple print dress when approaching the greens. They seemed to appreciate me putting in a shift. #LunchPun #RateMyPun

I needed a breakaway. Something short, adventurous and spritually all at sea. So I opted for a Tom Cruise. #LunchPun #RateMyPun

Trying to add extra space in my home, but the cost of a loft extension is going through the roof. #LunchPun #RateMyPun

I once had a job in a clinic testing emetic medicines. Didn’t hold that down for long. #LunchPun #RateMyPun

Just bought a crazy pair of rabbits. They’re bonkers! #LunchPun #RateMyPun