Why can't I just open my eyes one morning with a ton of energy and not lay in bed for half an hour.

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Never let a phone conversation go on with a woman longer than you are able to have sex with her.

You bitches need to get real. When y'all describe "the perfect man" it sounds like you want an obedient dog instead of a boyfriend.

The word "queef" was only invented because "pussy farts" just sounds awful.

RT if you've seen TWO of your followers naked

With gas being this expensive, we aren't just coming over to "chill."

Fantasy Football starts off as something fun with friends. It's about this time that "Fun" takes itself out of the equation.

Me: Babe, are you jealous? Her: No Me: Are you sure? Her: Yes Me: Then kiss me. Her: GO KISS THAT WHORE WHO LIKED YOUR STATUS ON FACEBOOK!!!

I'm one of those people who is always hungry.

Women who cheat on their husbands who are in the military should be punched straight in the face.

All dippers will share dips with other fellow dippers. We know what it's like to not have a can.

Music is my escape.

Fuck what you heard. Try asking me first.

It should be illegal for females over 200 pounds to wear tight clothing.

The girls I'm texting past midnight are either the ones I like or the ones I'd like to get with.

Girls are never straight up so you can't tell how they really feel.

We know girls who always complain how they can't ever find love on twitter and Facebook but they treat every guy like shit in person.

If cheerleading is a sport then so is beer pong.

Fat chicks always wanna say "Let me sit on your face". B*tch thats premeditated murder.