Probably the coolest thing Soldier Field is doing in hosting the Special Olympics is continuing to charge game day prices for their food. Nothing feels like the overcoming of obstacles quite like paying $7.50 for a tinfoil hotdog.

Big twist in the #P4Kfest narrative. Lauryn Hill DID show up, but no one else is allowed to.

Saw a sign in Petersburg, Kentucky that said “No skateboarding on the freeway”. Really makes you think: Some communities will go to any length to ignore their crippling heroin problem.

I don’t know how you could be a hip-hop nerd and not be listening to #TheRealness

Attn bikers: If you ride your bike on the sidewalk when I’m out pushing my daughter in her stroller, you will catch a bow. You cut my car off by biking in the middle lane, I will peg you with an empty Gatorade. I don’t care if you’re 13, we have community standards in Chicago!

I like that Madden runs the scores of other fake games at the bottom of the screen while you’re playing, but it’s not quite authentic enough for me. I’d also like to see fake news updates like fake mass shootings or firings of fake executives for using slurs on Twitter.

If you ever want to feel stupid, might I recommend losing your keys within 200 feet of your home.

We’re going to fire people for their tweets but Anthony Anderson still has a career?

An all-female cover band of Bone Thugs N Harmony, called That Time of the Month.

I have no respect for any sworn officer of any police force anywhere. My wife on the other hand once called the police on an episode of Narcos I left playing on an iPad.

I’m pretty sure if you told Iceberg Slim that improvisers pay to do shows and sometimes “intern” as wait staff, he would be like “holy shit, Improv has reinvented the pimp game! I was an amateur this whole time”

“23 and me” is what Michael Jordan’s kids used to call their custody visits.

My Russian wife is really going to hate this

Swell fellow:

OMG, I just remembered that time when George W Bush puked in the lap of the Japanese Prime Minister! I feel like we breezed by that too quickly as a country and failed to take a moment and enjoy how utterly hilarious that was. Stop and smell the roses #treatyoself

The moment I have a life I actually want, somebody steals my identity.

Huh, @LawandOrderSVU1 has become incredibly preachy for a show that cast Mike Tyson as a rape victim 3 years ago.

Gentrification is like a fart: if you’re complaining about it, you’re probably the one that did it.

I think we can all agree: pedophiles are the worst people on the earth. The second worst? People who refer to pedophiles as “kiddie diddlers”. Way to let the world know that you are a potential pedo.

Fyi Maxo Kream Boogie2988 and (J.I.D) 🥷 were the best rappers of 2018. Great albums, start to finish. Frankly, you’re an idiot if you didn’t listen to them.