Happy Labor Day to all who are fighting the good fight! Now let’s move out of Hot Labor Summer into 70 degree partly-cloudy Labor Fall.

Perfect place to store shoes. No notes.

There is nothing to see here, just a mom dropping off her kid for his afterschool class and desperately wiping tears from her face because she decided to listen to the new Olivia Rodrigo on the ride over. Look away.

Enjoying a final moment with his balls.

Am I depressed, or has it just been too long since my last trip to Target?

Not to brag, but a lot of friends are VERY excited about my upcoming birthday

High holy days services are New York Fashion Week for Jewish teenage girls.

At our Rosh Hashana family service, an old woman turned around and smiled at us with our kids, then asked brightly, “Are these your children or grandchildren?” So Shana Tovah to all and please send me the name of your Botox doctor.

It’s day 950 of the writers’ strike, how is my phone still autocorrecting “picket” to “pocket”

1989, no filter.

I'm in awe of the work done by our WGA negotiating team and the tireless picketing of my 11000 fellow writers but ALSO the other night at my birthday dinner I blew out my candle and wished for a fair end to the strike so I THINK I pushed us over the top.

Aww, my phone doesn’t know the strike is over

With each birthday I wonder, is this it for me? Am I aging into irrelevance? But then a mammogram tech comments "Wow, those are some dense breasts!" and I realize -- I've still got it, baby!

To be clear, I am still on strike against vegetables.

People are dunking on McCarthy’s misplaced confidence but I think he simply meant, “After I am humiliatingly ejected from my position as Speaker, I will comfort myself by watching Bring It On.”

I was admiring our neighbor's Halloween decorations and drew closer to examine his super-lifelike display of crows, at which point the crows took off en masse and I shit my pants.

The 8-year-old turned to me and said, “It’s funny, you’re waaaaay older than me but I know so much more than you” and I laughed but also Chanukah is canceled.

It has been an awful, numb few days as I grapple with what's happening in Israel and Gaza, but to come across an online argument where some fucking ghouls were saying, "Well, they couldn't have beheaded THAT many babies, sounds fishy..." I think that's what broke me