Crutches in da club bc I can’t stand u hoes 🩼

Trump the clown starring in Tariff-ier

“we’re short staffed” okay and? hire taller people tf

Caesar salad? What about hears her salad

100 men would literally fight a gorilla before going to therapy

Mayonnaise is an instrument… for conversation starters lol

“The love of your life is not gonna be at a bar or a club” okay then where is she gonna be. Where? Pls where is she gonna be I need to know

Idc if you’re a Benson Boone fan, just don’t do that shit around me

Most doctors are on call but are oncologists on col ?

you can’t be chopped and cooked if you’re from Houston, only chopped and screwed

Coworker is antivax and against the covid vaccine bc “we don’t know what’s in them or the long term effects” but just got on ozempic lmao

It’s not clocking to you that I’m standing on business?

Matt Dawod reveals to Twitter that he has a crush on Ana de Armas.

I’m in me mum’s car vroom vroom

Whenever girls say “my hair fell” it feels like a prank like when in middle school someone would say “you dropped your pocket”

Thinking about the 66 year old Irish man I chatted for 30 minutes with at the pub last night where all he wanted to talk about was how hot his 68 year old wife is and how much he loves her. When she finally came outside to check on him I thought “damn, bro wasn’t kidding” lmao

Had a dirty martini with anchovies in Boulder and also snowboarded indoors today

act like a nephew, think like an uncle

that's my long distance emotional support right person wrong time there is some sort of flexible but solid thread that tethers us you never know what the future holds lovership