When I was a kid, bedtime was 9 pm. I couldn't wait to be a grownup so I could go to bed anytime I wanted. Turns out that is 9 pm.

Me driving home knowing there won’t be a second date, but at least she knows that her depression comes from seed oils cutting off the energy supply of the mitochondria.

Leaving work after playing an idiot all day to avoid responsibility

I found a message on her phone. We’ll discuss it on 13 February.

Cant believe i’m goin prison for 2 days from the 13th to the 15th feb for not paying my tv licence 🤦🏽‍♂️

I don’t know if it’s weird, but I’ve never had a problem with people not checking up on me. I honestly don’t care.

I decided that my 2026 starts in february. January was the free trial month.

when you have a gambling addiction and the therapist says i bet you can’t quit

New combat sport league where heavyweights just sprint full speed into each other

When I’m going somewhere with my homie’s girlfriend without my homie

50% of your time, when driving in the UK, is spent watching out for potholes. The other 50% is Turing the volume on your music down immediately after hitting a pothole to hear if you’re going to be in generational debt tomorrow.

let’s get this bread

Terrence Crawford’s ex stalked him at a boxing event and confronted him in front of everyone 😳

The universe will assign a baddie to you shortly 😆

Erectile overfunction.

the part of the grind when u lowkey asexual

When your boss says "we'll get it done somehow" and you realize you're the somehow

Be a man > Overwork > under-sleep > lift heavy > look expensive > think you're batman > fall for the one girl who wants peace > get heartbroken > repeat