I don't know who needs to hear this, but start living. The days are flying by, and all you do is work, pay bills, and stress. Enjoy what you can- walks, sunsets, music, laughter and nature. Joy doesn't have to be expensive.
You deserve it.
Remember this:
even if you go for it and it doesn't work out, you still win. you had the guts to head into the unknown and try something that scared you. this type of bravery takes you places.