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lol I AM IGBO by blood

No bc do y’all really think your mom’s lineage doesn’t matter? The actual wombwater that gave you life?? Jokes

Experiment 2 complete. Location: Hamad International Airport, Doha, Qatar. My travel memoir is shaping up. Green (L) vs. Blue (R)

There's something very isolating about being asked “what happened?” in instances like this. How do you, as a Nigerian, start explaining your travel woes to Brits and Australians who have no concept of passport racism? You just swallow your saliva because no one would understand.

Who's winning/won the Champions League? The guys selling me chicken and chips wants to know because he can't use his phone during shifts.

22.05.25

I will write a screed against fragrance obsession when I wake up.

I can't believe I fell for the beard propaganda in my early 20s. I wanted to appear more masculine, so I started using minoxidil to grow my facial hair. Now almost 30, I regret that decision. I hate that I now have to deal with 5 o’clock shadows, shaving, and razor bumps. Smh.

Had a dream that I couldn't go to work because there had been a security breach at a zoo and all the animals: snakes, lions, etc had camped in my apartment, blocking my exit. Was pissed when I awoke and there were no lions stopping me from leaving for work on this bank holiday.

I once bought a fragrance sample that, to my nose’s ‘imagination,’ smelled like burnt beans, old newspapers, damp firewood, and harmattan. I will lie that I got 1000 compliments and trick you people into buying it since you love to copy-copy. 😂💕

Shoe that I bought 25 % off have now gone on sale for 50 % off. There are no words in the English language to describe this sort of pain. I am in agony. I feel betrayed. I am inconsolable.

Increasingly, it’s like love is becoming a propaganda that women are not falling for anymore. Because what was that? 💀😭

I might be the only doctor left who doesn't drink coffee. I raw-dog all my shifts and on-calls. In my regime, all coffee will be banned and replaced with power naps.

One guiding principle I have in life is: “You have to fuck back, eventually.” When dealing with difficult people who want to ride you too hard, your best defense is to start throwing it back aggressively. Let’s both be uncomfortable.

I don't know how to explain it, but these people look British as hell. 😂

I need help because why did this excite me the way it did? The idea of a no-nonsense Igbo woman telling me, “Nwoke, get with the program or bounce” is turning me on. Nwanyi Oma, come and straighten me out. I'm all yours. 🫣