I was on the train home from work and a man came down the aisle who I thought was the cleaner as he was carrying a massive plastic bag with what looked like litter in it. So I started putting a load of my used snotty tissues in it. But he wasn’t a cleaner. It was his shopping 😂

#NewProfilePic

Two weeks tomorrow…

“I'm sittin' in the railway station
Got a ticket to my destination…”

If Phillip and Holly had a KitKat every time they went for a break, they’d be bigger than Jesus #dancingonice

Kevin: “Hugo, let’s take a nice photo of you to share on social media,”

Hugo:

I knew I shouldn’t have let him watch The Snowman and The Snowdog. One glimpse of a better life and he’s ready for the off.

I always thought a #Truss was a surgical appliance worn to support a hernia, typically a padded belt. Perhaps she’ll go back to what she knows.

Dina Carroll needs to take that coat off or she won’t feel the benefit #TOTP

That's the worst result a sitting PM has ever had in a confidence vote by their own MPs.

Took Hugo out at 10:00 for his morning walk. Just got home.

#Portugal is like Loose Women but stood up #Eurovision

It seems you can now get personalised microphones which look like your own haircut.

Fancied bringing a few glasses of wine on the train to Manchester but thought it would be undignified drinking wine from the bottle so I decided to decant some into a Lucozade bottle; a regrettable move as, to my fellow passengers, it looks like I’m quaffing a bottle of piss.

Looking forward to this. The #Russian version of Naked Attraction.

We're now at over a million views in under 36 hours (Twitter and YouTube combined)! Thanks so much everyone! Are you listening Conservatives ?

Just watching #totp and it reminded me that I need to remember the thyme when I go to Sainsbury’s tomorrow.

“Through the darkness of Hillsborough, came the shining light of hope. That was our little Anne”

The family of #Anne picking up the Helen Rollason Award on her behalf at the BBC Sports Personality of the Year ceremony 2013 youtu.be/UmcQ1WJkpZE