Let's get this work day knocked out. Tacos and margaritas await.. #FridayMotivation

To the son of a bitch who stole my shoes while I was on the bouncy castle, grow tf up!

I hate going to Walmart. I don't understand how $5 + $7 + $3 + $9 = $184.50

This lady in Walmart is staring at me like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant then put it back on the shelf.

Every time I try to eat healthy, along comes Christmas, Easter, Summer, Friday... Tuesday... And it just ruins everything!!!

Tom Hanks can go fuck himself. And your son participated in the only shitty season of Dexter they had. Coincidence? I think fucking not! #SNL50

I don't care if Dorit is broke. She has great tits. And Sutton's plastic surgery has made her hot again. So who gives af if she enjoys booze?! I forgot what my point was here. #RHOBH

Someone explain to me why Shane Gillis is on TV and I haven't been approached about my own variant of a fucking Marvel superhero?! SNL sucks.

FINAL : 🐔 9 | 10 🔴 Doubleheader Sunday starting at 1:30 pm CT

"What's the difference between erotic and kinky?" Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole damned chicken.

People on here pretending to be "big ballers" by threatening to give money to followers is about as clear a sign that person is a nobody piece of shit that there is. These broke motherfuckers don't have money. They want attention. It's pathetic.

The wife can argue with me for over 2 hours. But 2 minutes into a blowjob her jaw hurts?!

I was like "Babe can I touch your hair? She said sure!" So I ran my finger across her top lip. That's when the fight started. #thursdayvibes

Studies show that people with higher IQs swear more than stupid motherfuckers.

When Miley Cyrus dances naked and licks a hammer, it's art. But when I do it, I'm drunk and have to leave Home Depot.

The best part of this Duke vs Bama game is Kon Knueppel's Mom.

College Football Live Clarke County Police Dept

Shut up internet!

Nancy Mace Why do so many of them feel like in order to look like a woman, they have to dress like they just lost the farm after locusts ate their crops?!