Shattered espresso machine and glass shard in foot #ouch

I weaponized incompetence and it changed my life

Why do people only drive black or white cars now? What happened to all the fun colors

Getting worried AI is going to take my job so I just applied to Deja vu

Having myself a night

Russia seems so old I don’t believe they have any weapons. I think they’re lying

Speaking softly and carrying a big stick

They call me the voice of reason

I feel like being a bitch today

Cleaning my room and found this. The reason I have Twitter College GameDay #fuckbama

Top Trader Joe’s picks of the week: Hot honey popcorn Chicken teriyaki bowl

I love Taylor swifts music but I hate her personality

When I become president my first executive order will be a complete pharmacy overhaul

Dog the bounty hunter just walked into my yoga class

On the side of the road bc I ran out of gas on my way to the Katy Perry concert

Yall im tweeting off a treadmill rn

Do NOT get the cereal milk latte. They forgot the cereal milk

Leaving my computer screen open to the wordle while I go to lunch to ruin everyone’s day 😈😈😈😈😈

It’s not about how many times you fall down it about how many times you get back up david