Kyrie’s moccasins adding a whole new angle to his flat earth defense

The only thing guaranteed in this life is that your girlfriend’s birthday will be during game 7

Just wish I could go back in time and tell myself to be a photographer or a plus size model

POV you ask me anything

Five years ago my sister (bitch) told me I was bad at winking knowing I’d think about it every day for the rest of my life and here we are

No gay man believes sexuality is a choice until they hit on a straight guy at bar

Thankful to be of an age where I no longer have to worry about love and can simply focus on marrying rich

I just want to be a hot girl who doesn’t live in Ibiza but is always in Ibiza and who’s income stream is an absolute mystery bc I’m mysterious and have great tits

It’s called living honey 💅🏼

Stop treating The Algorithm like a toxic boyfriend who’ll dump you if you don’t go down on him everyday. Honey, you’re enough.

The #Mariners won’t make the playoffs and Ty France will end the year hitting .300 with Cincy. Calling it now.

Rent increases should come with mandatory pay increases. Pit the lords against each other.

Crying is emotional vomiting. When you cry in public you’re throwing up on everyone around you.

Wife: you wanna shoot a sketch for insta— Me: I want a divorce.

If I were a football player I’d just want everyone to calm down. Pre-snap. Post-snap. On the sidelines. Stop yelling at me.

I had an absent father and a pool table at home. I have no excuse for being bad at pool. But here we are.

Close your eyes when Kamala speaks and tell me this isn’t who you see

Are you a “Virgo goddess” or on three different dating apps?

Every metro card purchased in Los Angeles county should come with a Purple Heart

Nothing makes me feel more alive than plans getting canceled. I’ve been given a second chance.