Who's going to the midnight Star Wars premiere? Spoiler: I will be waiting for you when you get home.

Watch out, kids. There's an even scarier clown coming to town, and even scarier, his dumbass supporters - at least he's an insincere racist.

In that last tweet, I was referencing the tiny-handed clown Donald J. Trump, not sad Tolkien goblin Ted Cruz.

The only thing scarier than being awakened by a demon clown is trying to be a foodie in Wichita. Hope you like brown things and starches!

.Wichita Public Schools has apparently never seen any of the "scary clown" BS on the 'net for years. I'm the only clown you have to worry about.

Really? I've been out here for years taking children, small animals, and grandparents,then some kid plays clown online&the cops are called?

@AudienceOfSome I'm still a thing. Go to your bathroom, look behind the door.

Hey morons! Before you share that some guy dressed as a clown was shot, maybe Snopes that shit. You idiots aren't even worth stalking.

@AudienceOfSome Tell me when anyone actually sees another clown and we will talk. And not just some dude in a rubber mask. That stuff's lame

None of the online guides for getting rid of a body seem to consider that one might be working ON A BUDGET. #workingclassproblems #clowns

As a demonic clockwork clown who lived in a dilapidated amusement park & a pedophile's basement,I expect my cabinet appointment any day now.

Breaking news: Secret hermaphrodite trust-fund skater & 80s Movie villain PETUS Donald J. Trump selects Louie as Secretary of Not Murdering

They're about to INAUGURATE Donald J. Trump. This is f'd up scary shit,even to someone who was trapped in a pedophile's basement for years.

"I'm not vocal like you but I do say my prayers that we're okay with Trump." If you shit in one hand&wish in the other, which fills up 1st?

Poor little Donald J. Trump can't gaslight his way into a well-rounded coming out party. Fact: He was denied entry to my clown college.

Supporters of Donald J. Trump are tolerant, competent, educated people who are not swollen like ticks from corn syrup.#alternativefacts

I won't unfriend you for voting Trump. If you're the sort of person who would do that, I probably thought you were an asshole when we met.

I used to love stalking people, hiding in closets, abducting, scaring, etc... Now Donald J. Trump is president and it all feels redundant.

One thing you can count on is Kansans voting against their own interests. Fat fuck Ron Estes probably gets willingly laid even less than me.

I honestly think that if you've tried the #unicornfrappuccino you deserve whatever happens to you; directly or karmically, you earned it.