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How about a silverware basket that doesn’t whiff off the rack when I’m doing the dishes

have a pretty slick set up going where my wife venmos me $4 for each spider i kill and present to her, she doesn’t know that I’ve set up a spider farm and I’ve been scamming her out of $600 a month

some fuckin dipshit: Christmas is usually around the end of December right The Beach Boys: Christmas comes this time each year

this is fucked up, i hate AI, fuck you grok

this looks pretty good tbh

feels so good to toss out some silverware

pov: you’re a dumbass hill person hangin out in the misty mountains eating some pinecones a little too close to Thorins Company when Gandalf calls the Eagles and you weren’t really paying attention

(9 slushies deep in the french quarter, yelling) yea i can play the full bongo part of John Tesh’s Roundball Rock. yea the theme music for the NBA for a while. yep. ok my wife is back, see ya

Spending $20 is basically like spending $0 so why not just do this a few times a day? This also helps keep the darkness at bay, it doesn’t matter what you spend the $20 on just give it a rip

seeking funding for domestication of a few up and coming species: bears, owls, seals, otters, foxes, manuls. This is the future of house pets

at the barber shop: gimme the denethor (shows a Polaroid of the final moments of a dying Steward Denethor II to my stylist) you got it boss

Strawberry mentos are food for good health, they nourish the body

if my wife was tasked with taking the ring to Mordor i would join her fellowship

The Globalists have contacted my local Dairy Queen and have instructed them to make my Blizzard™ extra melted. It won’t even make the journey home, this is what they’ve taken from you.

inventing a 1 playing card

i could meet an elephant or gorilla unsupervised and unprotected and they would sense friendship emanating between us and we would become close friends, the only issue is finding enough money to have one of them shipped to my house

do you think a hobbit invented the first cigarette and tried to light up in the Green Dragon and everyone was like nope nuh uh degenerate cut that shit out pipes only