Whoever invented the breathalyzer was a traitor to the little man

I’m starting a fightclub without that pesky first rule

It’s weird that a lot of crypto bros don’t like people using different pronouns when crypto is the “take my word for it” of currency

I just deleted tik tok because I saw a tik tok about the dangers of tik tok

The problem with the people who comment is they’re exactly the kind of people who would comment

I’m on a plane with straight male flight attendants and I’m not sure I like it

Are we really going to ban Tylenol right after I bought a piano for my unborn son?

“Good rapture to you”

For more great takes… youtu.be/YFZq41Cur5g?si…

Grabbing dad a beer outa the fridge just went up a level

Happy memories.. youtu.be/YFZq41Cur5g?si…

Remember that guy when you were a kid  He’s dead now

Why no alcohol in soup?

Chapter One: My Dad Didn’t Do Nuthin

If you’ve ever met someone who finds Jesus as an adult, it’s generally not when everything’s going well

Could iPhone text suggestions learn the words “masturbation” and “necrophilia” Might as well forget the word “fun” too

How do we know these call blocking apps don’t drum up business by spamming people

Some very insensitive Hasidic Jew costumes walking around Williamsburg today #stopthehate

What did old people talk about before hip replacements?

Bravery can be defined many ways One that comes to mind is farting with noise canceling headphones in I’m brave