#GrandTheftAutoMemories

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money i would just laugh and search with them.

Tweet others how you wanna be tweeted.

The Kids Pop version of Thrift Shop says "Walk up in the club like whaddup I got a cool mom!" I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE ON THIS PLANET ANYMORE

Try to download porn late at night, dial up modem wakes up whole family.

I just love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.

Dear Twitter, sometimes I need more than 140 characters to describe what's on my mind...

Happy Easter!

Most of my mornings consist of me trying to avoid any human interaction.

Literally on someone's cock

Truly amazing. Must retweet.

Million dollar idea: WiFi bracelets so you can wear them and have internet connection anywhere.

iMessage I miss you...

THEY'RE going THERE with THEIR friends. Seriously, it's not rocket science. Bazinga.

Only 29 more Mondays until summer. ☀️🌴👙🎉🙌

Sometimes I wonder how many others you're texting while you're texting me.

There are teenagers having unprotected sex, but have cases on their phones. Just let that sink in for a moment.

Slow wifi is worse than no wifi at all

No fucks shall be given this Summer.👌