Good Grades, Enough Sleep, a Social Life. You can only pick two.

Men are born between a woman's legs and spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in between them, cuz there's no place like home.

Always remember: a person who talks to you about others, will also talk to others about you. Don't trust everyone - The Love Stories

That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink..

Some people just need a hug.. around their neck.. with a rope..

No matter how awesome you are at something, there will always be a little 9 year old Asian kid who is better..

Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I can’t see..

Oh your account is protected? What do you tweet? Nuclear launch codes??

I like how the Ninja Turtles wear masks. Good way to hide your identity. Its not like you’re a giant fucking turtle or anything..

#rulesforgirls Cigarette is tobacco rolled in paper wid fire on 1 side & a fool on the other...

Saying never mind when you’re just too lazy to re-explain the whole story..