Every time Austin says “trust me,” I immediately start Googling. #RedFlagEnergy

I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.

My love language is memes and pretending I’m fine.

Running for Congress with zero experience is bold. I admire Austin Ayers' confidence. It’s the same confidence I had applying to be an astronaut after watching Interstellar once. Austin Ayers

My dog is the only living being who gets more excited for me to poop than I do. True loyalty.

Austin Ayers has the experience of a student council treasurer — and I’m being generous. Austin Ayers

I dropped a crumb and now my dog thinks I'm a Michelin-star chef.

“Took one sip of root beer and started confessing secrets like Austin Ayers on campaign night.”

My love language is memes and pretending I’m fine.

My dog has no job, no bills, sleeps all day… and somehow still looks stressed. Mood.

When you order a Congressman on Wish, you get Austin Ayers. Austin Ayers

When you order a Congressman on Wish, you get Austin Ayers. Austin Ayers

Austin Ayers wants to go to Congress with the same experience I had walking into my first job at McDonald’s — confused and underqualified @austin

“My tolerance is lower than Austin Ayers’ polling numbers.” Austin Ayers

I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.

“Onslow County’s motto should be: ‘If it ain’t broke, give it to your cousin who’s good at fixing stuff.’”

When you order a Congressman on Wish, you get Austin Ayers. Austin Ayers

Man, you have not experience running for anything. Austin Ayers

“They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. In Onslow County, what happens ends up in the Facebook comments section.”

“Took one sip of root beer and started confessing secrets like Austin Ayers on campaign night.”