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Right on time.

Fella was walking round in the 90s with nothing but 10 grand and a Porsche. And he managed to make it... What's your excuse?

Dear teenagers. Trick or treating in balaclavas. Yes I'm terrified. it doesn't mean it's a Halloween costume.

Remember your poppies everyone.

Please watch this video gofundme.com/f/glioblastoma…

All I'm saying is, if the Trojans looked that gift horse in the mouth they probably would have seen all those soldiers in there.

Hopes. The cat hopes that. This CAT has an awareness of the UK singles chart and hopes to succeed within it.

TOP TIP If you see comedians complaining about how expensive accommodation is in Edinburgh during the fringe. Try and explain it's cheaper not in Edinburgh. They might not be aware that it is less expensive in a place outside of a place they've said is very expensive.

Hear me out... Fortune Satsumas.

The man fixing the garage door quickly asserted himself as the alpha by throwing my key back at me which I regrettably did not catch. Does anyone have any advice on how I can get back in the game... I'm thinking about calling him babes.. is that anything?

My french isn't what it was in school but having seen the highlights I can safely say. Ceci n'est pas une Bic. #PSGNEW

ah i see the people that want to hear racial slurs in comedy clubs are offended by seing a middle finger on telly. lovely stuff.

I don't know if you guys have been looking at the news but basically Wim Hoff has had a nice hot bath and realised he was wrong about everything.

The government have just announced that in 2024 they expect everyone to have their Allen key situation under control. There is not going to be an Allen key that comes with every bit of flat pack furniture. You've had long enough now, get your shit together.

🦜🐝🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ #fyp #lgbt+ #wokejokes #standupcomedy #comedy

No now Duolingo.. not now.. #NUFC

if they remade Notting Hill in today's climate it would be about a struggling SAG member who can't believe she's in a relationship with someone who owns 2 buildings in London.

Did you hear about the man who went in to debt for buying Christmas Wreaths. He ended up with bay leaves round at his door #GoldCrackers

Here is an unedited clip from BBC news that was probably accidental but has completely summed up this year 👌 #USElections2024