As my grandmother used to say — a hit dog will holler.

😁🤓🇪🇺🎅🏿

And if the survey reveals it’s riddled with damp and cracks you’re entitled to change your mind and stay put Open Britain

We are being led by absolute fucking morons. Ideological fire in their bellies, two pounds of blancmange in their heads. Useless, stupid, self-pleased donkeys wreaking utter havoc because they’re too arrogant and dumb to realise. Fuck every single one of them.

So just how calamitous would a no-deal Brexit be? The transport minister involved in planning it - who resigned today - says this

The DUP abstains on finance bill vote. @Theresa_May: Not now, Arlene Not now, Arlene Not now, Arlene Not now, Arlene Not now, Arlene Not now, Arlene Not now, Arlene Not now, Arlene Not now, Arlene Arlene: Watch me.

So...a dead magpie lying on the side of the road having its insides pecked out by another magpie. That's still 'joy', right?

In 1956, the US government exploded a nuclear bomb near bottles of beer to see if beer would still be safe to drink in the event of the nuclear apocalypse. Conclusion: at least you can still safely get drunk in a nuclear wasteland.

This is brilliant:

‘I’ve had my fun’

🚨agreement on #skypapers alert🚨 Christina Patterson and I discussed No Deal earlier and whether the official Leave campaign during the 2016 referendum actually secured a mandate for a No Deal exit... I worked on the Leave campaign - we were advocating a deal with the EU

Q: You recommend I vote for Party A, but I want to vote for Party B. A: If you are a natural voter for Party B, it is very important you vote for your party. We are providing recommendations for Remain voters who don’t know which party to vote for in their region. #RemainVoter

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week. I rang her up to arrange a date, but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Rik Mayall wins the Conservative leadership race #RikMayall RIP comic genius

What UI wizardry is this??

Netflix paid Ricky $20 million for #Humanity and the bet really paid off as it was the most watched stand up special of 2018.

Whoever you are and whatever you’re doing today, I hope you’re well. Silly thing: please could you vote for my cricket team Long Whatton in this virtual cricket match? Thank you!!

This is your captain speaking ... #COVID19

Plans for the weekend sorted!!

All of the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names... So Rudolph killed them. Killed them all...