You think your life is hard? Just think, there’s a turtle out there that has been flipped on its back and can't get up. Fuck your problems.

You're 16 and miss the 90's? Yeah, I'm sure those were the best 3 years of your life. Shitting in your pants and eating crayons.

Retweet if.̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨you thought your screen was cracked...

why fast food will kill you pictwitter.io/14841SP

The sexiest part about smoking cigarettes is the part when you don't smoke them.

There is no real angry way to say "bubbles".

#IHateWhen I flex and my shirt rips off.

New condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she's gonna get your paychecks.

While in the shower: 2% Washing. 8% Singing. 90% Winning fake arguments.

Cereal is an acceptable meal at all times of the day

Please don't wear skinny jeans if you don't have skinny genes.

You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she is holding a gun she’s probably angry.

If you’re gonna wear yoga pants: 1. Have an ass. 2. Don’t be fat. 3. Wear a thong. Thanks.

sure you have a hot boyfriend and lots of friends but i have an extra large pepperoni pizza so i think we both know who the winner is here

Technically any zoo is a petting zoo if you're not a pussy

What happens after kidz bop 68? are they gonna skip a number or just go for it or what

Started from 13 colonies now we here. 🇺🇸

They mocked him, calling him king of the Jets. Made a throne on the sideline, then crucified him. But on the third team, Tebow rose again.

Retweet for boobies

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