I Thought I Could Listen to Terrible, Thanks For Asking At Work Without Crying: A Memoir

I can't leave this bakery, they keep playing songs I like

Banning transgender people from serving our country is simply wrong. We should be so grateful to anybody who wants to serve!

I can't believe I just retweeted Kim Kardashian

I think we can all agree that Mario Cantone is the only choice to play Anthony Scaramucci on Saturday Night Live - SNL.

I didn't even know that Mario Cantone played Anthony Scaramucci on TV last night before I tweeted that!

True Life: I have a cold sore on my upper lip and all of this topical ointment is making me look like Tyrone Biggums

You know when you buy 2 shades of gray paint and use the darker shade when you meant to use the lighter one and then question your life?

You know how Avril Lavigne's real name is *probably* April Levine? I wonder if Tomi Lahren's real name is, like, Toni Lauren.

Trudy Lawrence

Toby Ziegler

If you ever doubt that 53% of white women were awful enough to vote for the pussy grabber then you haven't read the comments on Apartment Therapy

Apartment Therapy Not that they have anything to do with Trump, but these people are shockingly mean about pretty much everything than could be mean about

Apartment Therapy Oh damn I made a typo in that last tweet, I assume a bunch of Apartment Therapy "fans" are going to descend and tell me I need a copy editor

Apartment Therapy I'm just saying if you have any faith in humanity but you feel like losing it, go read what anonymous strangers have to say about a home

If you haven't looked through your partner's high school year book and seen them in the Trombone Choir pic do you really love them?

Disney movies and romantic comedies did not prepare me for my boyfriend telling me how many hairs have sprouted from my lower back mole