If Mayor McCheese were running for President, MAGA would vote for the Hamburglar.

Daylight Saving is Socialism for clocks. The liberals are stealing an hour that will have to be repaid by our grandchildren.

Sorry I punched you in the mouth, but I'm bad with faces.

This is going to be one of those days where I in the corner and mutter the words "Hodor... Hodor... Hodor..." to myself all day long.

Amber waves of stupid.

Democracy Dies.

Russia, if you’re listening, today would be a hilarious day to release the pee tape.

I am tired of politics being about who you hate.

Last I heard, Bazelon only needs a few more donors to meet the goal. Even a small donation counts! The deadline is midnight EST. Thank you.

The drum solo in that Pa Rum Pa Pa Pum song isn’t even very good.

Astonishing to learn that I share 99% of my DNA with a chimpanzee, and that, luckily, so far nobody has ever caught me at it.

I would never buy a Tesla. I heard they could blow up if you fill them with explosives.

Fun Fact: No movie directed by David Lynch has ever won an Oscar in any category.

I keep thinking about David Lynch in the bardo, hanging with Bob Uecker and swapping stories about Frank Booth and Mr. Belvedere.

I don't like the sound of these here boncentration bamps.

If Jesus Christ ever actually attended a National Prayer Breakfast he’d start flipping over the tables.

RIP

FUN FACT: The future is always worse.

Next St. Patrick's Day in Chicago is going to be lit.

ARE YOU NOT INFOTAINED?