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Katy Perry left Man United and become Series A Champion.

Katy Perry left Man United and become Serie A Champion.

Didn't even know Forest Gump was in prison

He's a mayor not Batman

The same guys who are angry at Pride Month are the same guys who only wank over lesbian porn because it doesn't have cocks in it.

This you Elon Musk

Bought shares in Butterkist yesterday

I used to be down with the kids. Nowadays they don't seem as excited as me about top quality bin bags.

Monday mornings don't like you either. Deal with it

RIP Sly Stone

It's that time of year again when we have to constantly remind people not to be an idiot. Wear sunscreen Stay hydrated Don't leave dogs in the car Keep in shade Don't make toast in the bath Stop watching Love Island Farage is a knobhead Don't shag your sister

This is a 10 year ban from the United States 🇺🇸

Imagine if Liam Gallagher comes out tonight chanting "DEATH, DEATH TO THE IDF" people are going to lose their shit

Sorry I've not tweeted in a week. Been folding a fitted sheet

Live Aid: famously free of a message.

Bat heads for tea tonight lads

They say dogs take on the personality of their owners. True, I don't have a dog.

Not a bad turnout for my first ballet lesson.

My little Spanish nephew is ever so rude. He doesn't even say please, that's poor for four. #1PUN