I've had an argument with my local postman. I got home from work yesterday, and in the letterbox was a magazine about Chinese sailing ships. I said to postie, "Mate, did you not see the sign 'NO JUNK MAIL'?"

Don't Eat Liquorice Before Bedtime... It Makes You Dream Of Allsorts

When you eat a lot of spicy food you can lose your sense of taste. When I was In India last summer I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.

I haven’t maintained my subscription to Scrabble Club. They’ve started sending threatening letters.

Went to the theatre to watch a play, and the lead actress fell through the floor. It was just a stage she was going through.

What is a word with a little laugh in the middle. It really is…

I just found out Steffi Graff has a sister called Polly.

I spent Sunday afternoon watching a film about fly fishing. The cast was amazing!

I haven't seen my twin brother, since I left the west coast. We were separated at Perth.

I wrote a book. Conquer your fear of ladders in 12 easy steps

IF I REFUSE TO DO CARDIO, DOES THAT COUNT AS RESISTANCE TRAINING

Wimbledon have revealed plans to honour Sir Andy Murray with a statue at the All England Club. When asked if it will be life like, a Wimbledon spokesperson said it will be more interesting.

My next door neighbours are Michael Rule, Jennifer Rule and their son Billy Rule. These are the three Rules I live by.

Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up on their dreams and got real jobs.

The guy who owned Hoyt’s Cinemas has sadly died. His funeral is on Monday at 2.10, 4.20 & 6.40.

I used to go out with a woman called Sue Denim....then I realised it wasn't her real name.

Just ordered the vanity number plate BAA-BAA. Should look great on my black Jeep.

2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79,83, 89,97. I learnt these at primary school..

What happens when a microscope crashes into a telescope? They kaleidoscope.

I started reading a book called 'How To Fight Hell's Angels'. I couldn't get past the first chapter.