My wife’s hobby is gardening. So for Mother’s Day, I built her a shed for her supplies.

My hobby is piano. So for Father’s Day she’s gonna go hide in the shed so I don’t ask her to listen to one of my songs.

IT’S CALLED PARTNERSHIP!

If red pill alpha male bros put as much energy into helping out around the house as they do into complaining online about feminism, I *guarantee* you that 97% of the issues they think they have would suddenly be solved.

The WORLD’S BEST impression! #dadsanddaughters #middleschool #impressions

All those dumdums with airbrushed posters of Trump hugging a flag on the side of their F150s, while *this* is the man he actually is:

THIS is why my credit score is -175! #dadsandsons #mail #skit

These gross mobsters are as predictable as the tides.

The moment they showed up to catch the VP bouquet, you knew they would be violating the spirit of the gag order by unfairly maligning the judge’s daughter.

Because MAGA is as basic as it is dumb as it is mean.

Acyn “Mike, I’m gonna need you to come down to my hush money trial, y’know the one where I cheated on my wife and then illegally paid to keep it quiet, and violate the spirit of my gag order by smearing the judge’s daughter.

Y’know, like how the Bible says.

Okay? See ya Tuesday!”

I’m hearing word that Melania will be a no-show for the rest of the trial BUT Donald has invites out to SEVERAL “nudes in bio” bots.

Remember when Trump talked tough and said that he would testify, but now he’s not?

Remember when Trump talked tough and said he would go to jail for the first amendment, but now he’s being careful not to violate the gag order?

Remember when Trump talked tough and said…

It’ll be funny when,
later today, the details of Donald Trump’s hush money trial activate the weird porn-monitoring program Speaker Mike Johnson shares with his son.

The projection is starting to get out of control. They’re even stealing Rick Wilson’s #ETTD line.

Real talk? This poor quality of thought is why you’re still only a deputy.

Because it’ll preserve democracy.

Any problems that I have with Biden’s policies can be remedied if he’s elected.

A vote for Trump or a protest vote not only hurts marginalized groups, it effectively closes the door on any more voting.

A vote for fascism never fixed anything.

I would trust this vision a little more if every single one of my posts didn’t have AI-generated porn bots in the replies.

You’ll NEVER guess where this is going Pt. 5 FINALE #standup

EVERYBODY DO A SHOT!

Hillary publicly conceded in a televised speech to the nation the morning after she lost to Trump, & she went to Trump’s inauguration. Trump STILL hasn’t conceded to Biden, & he refused to participate in the peaceful transfer of power. Who’s the patriot, and who’s the coward?

Totally REAL footage from Trump’s HUGE Wildwood Rally! #trumprally #hugecrowd

Big words coming from a person with a sophomoric cartoon of Biden as their profile pic.

*you’re

And

*a rally that had about 12,000 people who attended, most of whom left before he was finished rambling like a granddad in decline who got confused, wandered into your house, and drank all the cooking sherry

But otherwise, spot-on tweet.