I just straight up put both my kids in a trance while swinging on the swing set by playing “if I could only fly” by Blaze Foley and it was hilarious and also kinda weird.

Band chemistry 101: Last week after 4 days on the road, me and my drummer both ended up at the same Mexican restaurant within an hour of getting home. Today, I go to a music store and run into my bass player and we’re both wearing Danno Simpson merch.

Patience is a vulture

Has Bob The Builder always been British or is this one of those Mandarin Effect scenarios?

We carve pumpkins for Halloween and make pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving, but why’s nobody carving pumpkin pies?

Things I enjoy: Climbing on big rocks. Trying to balance on things. Throwing small rocks into water. Riding on the back of shopping carts. Petting dogs I don’t know. Petting dogs I do know.

The only time I’ve been sure I was having a mental breakdown was when I was driving through Oklahoma after a sleepless run through Texas and “Some Beach” by Blake Shelton came on and I laughed hysterically the entire duration of the song.

It’s a “costume”

Kayak fishing with a hollow crawdad lure stuffed with Beechnut chew. I followed a snake towards the bank and casted towards it. 3rd cast, he bit. At this moment I realized it was a monster Copperhead. Hook popped loose and I watched him eat the lure. Bet him tummy hurt.

If we get 10K plays on this first-day, I’ll post my drafts.

People who cook with bay leaves: Does it really add to the flavor or do you just like the idea of that leaf being in there?

Do stale donuts have the same amount of calories as fresh donuts? Because that would be a real shame

The irony of wearing your “Sunday best” when Jesus wore Sandals and a robe EVERYWHERE, apparently.

Taco Bell’s playlist sounds like it was borrowed from Dillards in 1992 and it’s not a good thing #hireme

When them boys meet me in Laredo, they think they own Laredo too.

This game looks like Mike Tyson vs. Jake Paul 2.0

Some folks are gettin’ tired

Is just another guy in the woods with a guitar

Me: How does anyone afford groceries? Also me: I should LS swap my Grand Wagoneer.

No pico