Too many peoples personality is "The Guestlist"... Certain man gonna have door gyal at their funeral and it's so washed ffs...

Another apocalypse dream, she still won’t listen… My girl died like twice because she doesn’t follow instructions… I’m annoyed now

Just found out my ting has prosthetic hair…

Gotta ask how many whines she caught at carni and then multiply it by 3… If you can live with that number, she’s for you. That’s the new meta

Random kid: He’s the biggest man I’ve ever seen, I wouldn’t wanna fight him Brad Pitt: That’s why nobody will remember your name Gotta be one of the funniest and hardest lines I’ve heard in a film 🤣

Anchorman, Taladega Nights and Blades of Glory

If it’s your birthday today, fuck you

Would as many people still be religious without the threat of evil? If I were a god and I needed people to put their faith in me and trust, I’d create constant minor threats that I could deal with…

Next time you test my patience, remember, being disabled is the only minority you can become at any time…

Gonna start walking around giving people random objects I find of the floor and tell them they have a higher calling and the spirits say they’ll know what the object means and then disappear. Idk what that’ll do but yeah 🤷🏽‍♂️

Everyone wants to be The Chosen One until it’s time to be The Chosen One…

Her name is Luna Lovegood… It defo grips

When I die, don’t say “I have no words”, tell them how you yearned to get your cheeks clapped by me… Also, I don’t wanna hear “He was such a good soul”, I’m a full time menace and part time hater x

Your girl becomes single when the cameras pop out… Not mine tho, she’s showing me a power point of why I should let her hold it when I pee 🙂

How did my dream last night have a sponsored ad from Nikon UK & Ireland last night… 🙂

Thinking about how many times I’ve probably been killed in Fuck, Marry, Kill… 💀

I produce music on CapCut, dont ask me what my DAW is if I tell you I produce. It makes no difference to you where I sizzle my cornflakes…

The one piece… a party where there is a cake and everyone in the world gets one piece…

Anyone need Post Malone seated tickets for Saturday? Section 256, 4x there all next to eachother

Under city lights, clean cuts and premium leather make all the difference. Sweetboy giving our Leather Trench some after-dark energy 🌙 uk.bodaskins.com/trench-man