Telltale sign I’ve been fuckin with the TouchTunes

Exciting news. The Vikings have asked me to be their new qb after JJ’s rocky start. Getting some reps in with the boys before my first game

Nick’s photography skills are so good

they let me out of my cage this weekend. It most likely won’t happen again

I was attacked by a demon in my sleep last night

I was born in the wrong generation fr. I was meant to live in the 1800s and die during a doomed arctic sailing expedition in search of the fabled northwest passage

Where I tweet from

when the beautiful girl with 10k followers doesn’t like my reply

I not only get to spend Thanksgiving alone but also sick. I love my life!!

I have scurvy

One lucky follower will get the opportunity to run me over with a Toyota 4Runner all you have to do is like this post and you will be entered into the drawing

hometown mexican restaurant is playing Before Sunrise (1995)

Three weeks since I said goodbye to Scandal. I sometimes still instinctively reach to rest my hand on her only to find she’s no longer beside me. It feels like I’m missing a limb.

First windshield defrost of the season 💔 entering hibernation I’ll see you all in March

Being loved by so many bartenders is actually a tremendous burden because the free shots may not cost money but they still count against your nightly alcohol allowance. And I always forget that.

Having a working brain is so cool because I never have to use AI for anything. I can just ask my brain questions and it figures out answers

Just ate what may be the saddest thanksgiving meal in history. Not even going to say what it was because it would upset many of you

Ok I need to find a real Thanksgiving meal to join next year because my broke ass dinner made me sick AND depressed

how I’m spending my thanksgiving

Riley made a new Hinge profile and insisted on this. So far none of her likes have even mentioned me. Men really don’t read